I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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