The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
