none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
