I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
