What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
