my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
