we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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