he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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