U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
