I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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