went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
porn star boner night. come get it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
