fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
