Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
