Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
