I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
