I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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