Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
whose parrot is this?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
