I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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