my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
