Please, let me fuck your mom
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
