Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
our cab driver is having phone sex.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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