chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
