We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
