he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
