And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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