I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
