don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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