I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
