just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
