I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
