We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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