so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh god it's open bar.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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