dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
