things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
