Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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