found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
