It was like getting head from an anaconda
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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