the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
