before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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