I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
