Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
