i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
