Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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