Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
