Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
