im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
