if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
