I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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