Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
