sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
